DAY TO DAY LIFE WITHOUT HIM

I am not even sure how to start this since everyday of my life since he has been gone has been hell on earth from the time i wake up in the morning  i begin wishing he was waking up beside me to fixing breakfast and wishing i was making it for both of us.  he is on my mind at all times wishing and wanting him here with me enjoying the new things happening in my life with moving into a new home and preparing for our wedding.  and by the time lunch is here again i am wishing he was here to enjoy it with me  and lets face it  eating alone every day is not much fun to begin with  and when you fall in love with the man of your dreams and are preparing to marry him  you kind of expect him to be beside you when you are going though all the new things and even the normal routine day to day things.   but in my case  i can only wish he was here with me  or me there with him, either way would be ok with me  if we could only be together.  by dinner time i have already spent at least an hour crying (at some point throughout the day) just because i am missing him so much and then bed time rolls around and he is not here with me to lay beside me and do the normal talking about the day we just had and what is in store for tomorrow. and again the crying starts   just to have him to give me a hug and a kiss good night and to hear i love you  would mean so much  but that cant happen with him being in prison  so for everyone out there that is reading this  dont ever take for granted the person in your life that is right there beside you day to day. someday they just may be taken from you for something very stupid. 

WEDDING DATE CHANGES AGAIN

As of the last post i left off with our wedding day would be January 4, 2012 well once again the prison has decided to change the date.  they decided that the 4th of January is too close to the holidays so they said the new date is  January 11, 2012   but that i bet wont be the final date either  since this is now the 4th time they have changed it since July when we first decided to be married in the prison.

Our lives have been in a constant turmoil since he got to the prison with all the changes we have been thru together and all the changes they(the prison) makes on a daily basis. and then you also have to factor into all the changes that are constantly going on here at home also.  trying to blend his household of things into my household of things and then move it all to the new house in a few weeks. And that is another thing that sucks is the fact i am left here to move everything from the old house to the new house, and try to figure out if i am putting things where he will want them when he gets home and if i am decorating the house to his satisfaction also. and then of course you have the holidays that are quickly approching, and me and my son will be in our new house hopefully by then and we will be trying to celebrate them without the one we both love being with us. this is the first christmas without him and it will probably be the hardest ever.  there is one good thing about it though and that is we are nearing a year apart already and that means just 4 more to go which still seems like a lifetime from now but it is better then 5 years to go that is 4 years left with good time taken off already. now we just have to hope and pray that nothing happens there to make him lose that good time. I will be starting soon to explain the day to day pain I go thru without him here but that is for another blog day.

REALITY HAS FINALLY SET IN

After the first month of me being without him reality finally set in that this was really happening to us. and that no matter what is happening in others lifes ours would be changed forever, all over the fact that someone sent him naked pictures of a (girl) woman and he looked at them and forwarded them on to someone else.  yes the internet can be a wonderful thing, but it can also change your life forever.
But there is a big ray of hope in our future also  we decided before he went to prison that we wanted to spend the rest of our lifes together once he is free so we got engaged two days before Christmas of 2010 and we went thru all the channels of the prison system to file the appropriate paperwork. when we got all the paperwork finished we were told the weddings are held in January, April, July and October so we had the paperwork all finished in time for the July ceremony's but was told the paperwork did not get to them in time to make the July wedding, the rule book says the paperwork has to be done one month prior to the end of the quarter before the wedding, our paperwork was done and turned in in May of 2011 for the July wedding so i made a  trip down there to see him thinking we would be married while i was there but that did not happen so we checked on all the paperwork to make sure it was all still together and in place for the October wedding ceremony  and was told it was, so again i made the trip from Michigan to North Carolina to see him and again planning on getting married while i was there and after i was there for two days was again told we did not make the list our paperwork did not get to the proper people in time to make the list for the wedding. and as of right now we have now been told that we are on the top of the list to be married January 4th of 2012  and that just happens to also be my 50th birthday. So along with all the bad there is a ray of hope for happiness for us also.  Since he was incarcerated  we( I ) went house shopping and found us a really nice house to make into a home for us, once he is back here where he belongs, and now we will be happily married in January if all goes as planned, but with all plans something still has the potential to go wrong. January is still a few months away and plenty of time for things to change.
He is the man of my dreams and i plan to get married and have a very happy marriage with him thru good and bad and right now we are going thru all the bad and the good times are yet to come.