After the first few blurry days were over and the realization that this was not a dream and my life still had to go on without him. The first week was really hard because i could not talk to him on the phone or hear from him in a letter since it takes four days to get a letter from him and he had to wait until i got back home and then sent money to his account to be able to buy stamps or a phone card to call with. After that week was over I was able to at least hear from him in a letter and then he had to wait the same four days for my letter to get back to him, once we figured out to answer one question it takes eight days, it was a little easier but still the normal person can ask a question and get a response within minutes these days and for us life is not like that.
Not only has his life changed but so did mine. I am no longer in the fast life, my days are now filled with anticipation of the snail mail bringing me a letter so that I can answer it and get my letter back in the mailbox so he gets it before he forgets the questions he asked. The prisoners do not receive mail on saturdays at all so some days it takes even longer to receive the answers to your questions. Then of course there is the fact that whatever is written in a letter is read by the prison guards before he gets it so nothing we talk about is private in any way; even phone calls are monitored so no privacy there either.
Just to get him settled into the prison I had to send to his account $1,000 so he could get simple needed things like underwear and socks, pants and shirts and shoes. Of course he needed the other things like deodorant, soap, shampoo. toothpaste and brush, hair brush (he has long hair) and a comb and before the first month was over the thousand dollars was gone let me tell you prison clothes and stuff are not cheap. He could not watch tv without buying a pair of headphones ($35) and then he could not hear the tv till he bought a special radio ($50) and even with all that you have to have seniority to be able to watch tv only so many chairs per tv and the older prisoners get them before anyone else does. Not allowed to just stand around and watch must be in a chair.
So if he was lucky to get a chair you have to watch whatever is on that tv you dont get a choice and of course hearing all that about his life in there, makes me feel so quilty that I am here watching whatever I want to watch on tv. Then there is the matter of the food he gets to eat lets start off with the fact he hates chicken and unfortunately chicken is the cheapest meal to fix so they get that a lot so on those days he has to eat snacks that he is allowed to buy from the commisary. He even was willing to try the chicken and when he tore it open blood ran out of it so he decided to not try it again. When I went for a visit I was chatting with other visitors also there to see their loved ones and was told by several of them that there prisoner does not eat the chicken there either, since it is never cooked all the way. and again I am sitting here allowed to eat whatever I decide that I want for that meal. No matter what it is that is going on in my life at the time the thought of him is always there, so I am living my life and basically his life for him too since every decision I make is for us, whether it be for us now or in the future when he is home with me.
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