After the first few blurry days were over and the realization that this was not a dream and my life still had to go on without him. The first week was really hard because i could not talk to him on the phone or hear from him in a letter since it takes four days to get a letter from him and he had to wait until i got back home and then sent money to his account to be able to buy stamps or a phone card to call with. After that week was over I was able to at least hear from him in a letter and then he had to wait the same four days for my letter to get back to him, once we figured out to answer one question it takes eight days, it was a little easier but still the normal person can ask a question and get a response within minutes these days and for us life is not like that.
Not only has his life changed but so did mine. I am no longer in the fast life, my days are now filled with anticipation of the snail mail bringing me a letter so that I can answer it and get my letter back in the mailbox so he gets it before he forgets the questions he asked. The prisoners do not receive mail on saturdays at all so some days it takes even longer to receive the answers to your questions. Then of course there is the fact that whatever is written in a letter is read by the prison guards before he gets it so nothing we talk about is private in any way; even phone calls are monitored so no privacy there either.
Just to get him settled into the prison I had to send to his account $1,000 so he could get simple needed things like underwear and socks, pants and shirts and shoes. Of course he needed the other things like deodorant, soap, shampoo. toothpaste and brush, hair brush (he has long hair) and a comb and before the first month was over the thousand dollars was gone let me tell you prison clothes and stuff are not cheap. He could not watch tv without buying a pair of headphones ($35) and then he could not hear the tv till he bought a special radio ($50) and even with all that you have to have seniority to be able to watch tv only so many chairs per tv and the older prisoners get them before anyone else does. Not allowed to just stand around and watch must be in a chair.
So if he was lucky to get a chair you have to watch whatever is on that tv you dont get a choice and of course hearing all that about his life in there, makes me feel so quilty that I am here watching whatever I want to watch on tv. Then there is the matter of the food he gets to eat lets start off with the fact he hates chicken and unfortunately chicken is the cheapest meal to fix so they get that a lot so on those days he has to eat snacks that he is allowed to buy from the commisary. He even was willing to try the chicken and when he tore it open blood ran out of it so he decided to not try it again. When I went for a visit I was chatting with other visitors also there to see their loved ones and was told by several of them that there prisoner does not eat the chicken there either, since it is never cooked all the way. and again I am sitting here allowed to eat whatever I decide that I want for that meal. No matter what it is that is going on in my life at the time the thought of him is always there, so I am living my life and basically his life for him too since every decision I make is for us, whether it be for us now or in the future when he is home with me.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
THE BEGINNING
let me start with when it was time for him to report to prison in North Carolina i was working full time when i ask my boss for the time off to take him down there i was denied the time off even though i had two weeks vacation time coming to me. so he quickly informed me that i was going to quit my job and go with him to report to the prison and that was the end of my job. he had the money to allow me to live ok without a job.
we left here three days early so we had a few days to enjoy our last times alone together for 5.5 years the day came way to quickly for him to report and for me to see him walk away with the guard and me to head back to Michigan leaving him there and coming back home was absolutely the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my life. i finally met the man of my dreams (after two failed marriages with years of abuse) he is the kindest most gentle man i have ever met in my life. so anyway i was coming home to a home that just no longer felt like a home just a empty house to go along with my even emptier heart. i left my heart in that prison with him in North Carolina. yes i had my son to come home too and he has been my lifesaver in most ways. he makes it so i am not alone, but my heart will never be full again until my man comes out of that prison and home to me. just so it is clear what happened in the first place i will let you all know what he did to be put there in the first place. he was on yahoo on the computer and was talking with a guy and the guy sent him three pictures of a naked (girl) woman he looked at the pictures as most men or even ladies would do and he sent them to a friend to see also well when he sent the pictures the F.B.I came a year later and took his computer and said he was distributing child porn, the girl/woman in the pictures was only 16 well these days who can tell a 16 year old from a 18 year old. I for one would not be able too. but he had been in the same job for almost 30 years and married to the same woman for 41 years. and the judge took all that away from him as an example to others. by sending him to a federal prison for 5.5 years he was held here for 6 months with a ankle bracelet on and now we have learned that all that time does not come off his sentence the federal prison does not recognize local punishment so that time under house arrest does not count for any part of the 5.5 year sentence. ( in my opinion that is not fair either) but we have to go on and put that in the past also. well back to the story now the first few days i was walking around numb like i was in a really bad dream and i would wake up and this would all go away and he would still be with me. i soon learned that it was not and reality sunk in, i was here and he was there and over 600 miles and a lot of fence and barbed wire was between us.
we left here three days early so we had a few days to enjoy our last times alone together for 5.5 years the day came way to quickly for him to report and for me to see him walk away with the guard and me to head back to Michigan leaving him there and coming back home was absolutely the hardest thing i have ever had to do in my life. i finally met the man of my dreams (after two failed marriages with years of abuse) he is the kindest most gentle man i have ever met in my life. so anyway i was coming home to a home that just no longer felt like a home just a empty house to go along with my even emptier heart. i left my heart in that prison with him in North Carolina. yes i had my son to come home too and he has been my lifesaver in most ways. he makes it so i am not alone, but my heart will never be full again until my man comes out of that prison and home to me. just so it is clear what happened in the first place i will let you all know what he did to be put there in the first place. he was on yahoo on the computer and was talking with a guy and the guy sent him three pictures of a naked (girl) woman he looked at the pictures as most men or even ladies would do and he sent them to a friend to see also well when he sent the pictures the F.B.I came a year later and took his computer and said he was distributing child porn, the girl/woman in the pictures was only 16 well these days who can tell a 16 year old from a 18 year old. I for one would not be able too. but he had been in the same job for almost 30 years and married to the same woman for 41 years. and the judge took all that away from him as an example to others. by sending him to a federal prison for 5.5 years he was held here for 6 months with a ankle bracelet on and now we have learned that all that time does not come off his sentence the federal prison does not recognize local punishment so that time under house arrest does not count for any part of the 5.5 year sentence. ( in my opinion that is not fair either) but we have to go on and put that in the past also. well back to the story now the first few days i was walking around numb like i was in a really bad dream and i would wake up and this would all go away and he would still be with me. i soon learned that it was not and reality sunk in, i was here and he was there and over 600 miles and a lot of fence and barbed wire was between us.
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